


with my eyes closed

by peachsneakers



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Analodemus, Anxiety, Cuddling, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:00:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24399880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers
Summary: Janus has a panic attack.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Dark Creativity | Remus/Deceit | Janus/Logic | Logan (Sanders Sides)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 251





	with my eyes closed

**Author's Note:**

> song lyrics are from sub urban "cradles"

_I love everything_   
_Fire spreading all around my room_   
_My world's so bright_   
_It's hard to breathe but that's alright_

He can't stop jiggling his leg.

That's the first thing he notices, the frenetic pace of his knee, heaving to and fro like he's awash in the world's stormiest sea. His vision twists and blackens at the edges, curling up like old polaroids. He can't feel his chest move, but it must, for his breathing is harsh and loud and buzzing in his ears, like a hummingbird has decided to perch on his shoulder, beating its wings into the hollow of his ear. Nausea boils, hot in his throat.

"Janus?"

He clings to the familiar voice like a lifeline, like he's drowning and the only thing that can save him is the rounded syllables of his own name, dredged from the depths of memory. Hot and cold billow over him by turn. 

"Janus, are you all right? Can you hear me?" He shakes his head, almost by autopilot, but the voice persists. "I'm going to touch your hand now, all right?" Fingers, cold and smooth, brush across his wrist and he flinches, his heart electric and stuttering in his chest. Danger raises its ugly, frowning head, but the voice continues, unconsciously soothing it.

"Listen to me, Janus. We're going to breathe, okay? Four, seven, eight. Just like you showed me. Breathe in for four-" He latches onto the familiar cadence, shakily drawing in breath, his hands shaking in a soft yet implacable grip. He can't stop trembling, but he manages to draw in enough breath for the voice to continue. "Hold for seven." It sounds utterly mad, yet he counts in his head, his shoulders hitching as he desperately tries to follow direction.

"Good," the voice soothes. "Out for eight, Janus. Very good." A gusty outpouring of breath, and Janus's lungs start to feel like perhaps they're capable of inflating properly after all. "Now repeat," the voice continues, and now he can put name to voice, now he can recognize the purple plaid patches of Virgil's hoodie and the lava-like warmth of Remus at his back. He looks up and catches a flash of Logan's newest blue striped tie.

"I'm okay," he croaks, after what feels like an eternity. He lifts his head and meets Virgil's steady gaze.

"Are you?" His boyfriend asks. Janus winces.

"As I'll ever be," he amends. "I'm sorry, I don't know-"

"You were talking about Thomas," Logan provides context, hesitantly pushing up his glasses. "And what occurred after the wedding. I am not entirely sure what caused you to have a panic attack, however."

"I don't know," Janus admits, cheeks hot and flushed.

"If it's important, it'll come back up," Remus says from behind him, resting his chin on Janus's tousled hair. "Don't worry about it, bumblebee." Janus half-twists in his loose grasp, staring up at Remus in surprise.

"Bumblebee?" He questions.

"They're yellow and black and cute like you!" Remus explains. "Also, I'm having a hard time coming up with snake-themed nicknames, beyond making jokes about your anaconda."

Janus facepalms, letting the coolness of his freshly ungloved hands mask the burning in his cheeks.

"I would go along with bumblebee," Logan advises. Virgil just snickers.

"Well, I can't say I dislike it," Janus admits. "Thank you, Remus."

"Wanna cuddle and watch something?" Virgil asks, snapping his fingers and snagging a heap of pillows out of thin air. "Would you like that, Janus?"

"Yes," Janus says, settling against the pillows, surrounded by his boyfriends. "I would like that very much."


End file.
